I guess you're never too old to learn something new about something you never quite understood, at least not logically.

I became acquainted with the word KISS in my early teens. In my family it was definitely a word with 'verboten' connotations. Among my friends, we whispered about the movie that had to do with that and was 'verboten' to those under fourteen. A kiss under any circumstances anywhere was definitely not the proper thing to do unless of course you were engaged.

In the English language, other meanings were tacked on to that word. 'Kiss off" and the proper hand gesture was quickly learned and understood.

And now there is such a thing as KISS according to my guru meaning: KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID. That certainly brings a smile to my lips. There are so many things I don't know, things that have to do with numbers and colors and mostly everything about my computer has to do with numbers and colors. I told that to my guru during a phone conversation. I told that to the Lady who tried to correct my errant modem.

My guru has his own approach to situations like that. It can't be the modem and it can't be the computer. It can only be the person sitting in front of it. Well, he was almost right. Not always patient, but always willingly he talked me through the procedure. After every carefully executed procedure, I was requested to click. The voice on the other end of the line said impatiently well, did it work. I was quiet. I was hesitant until the guru demanded an explanation of the silence.

"Well, what did you get?"

I broke that silence softly and hesitantly:

"The blue screen of death!"

For the first time in this relationship of disciple and guru the silence was on the other end of the line. In defense of the guru let it be said that I still think in some ways in my native language. That means I start at the end to get to the beginning. My guru knows that but he doesn't know that teaching me otherwise is a hopeless case.

It was agreed that I reboot the machine, then put it to bed properly until the guru could come and fix it. "That modem has all kinds of little red lights with all kinds of numbers on them and they come on, they just don't go off like they're supposed to."

The guru smiled. He took his place behind the console. He made all the right moves and wound up with the same results than I had. And for once, he agreed that it wasn't me who was confused, it was the modem.

You know, there is hope for all of us. I never thought in all my living days that I could possibly have a confused modem. But I did! Then the guru went to work. As usual, he found the problem. It apparently was a flawed installation of a flawed connecting cable. And it was something else. This modem prefers to be commanded to disconnect directly. It does not disconnect any other way. Of course with all the lights still on that poor little modem definitely would be confused when it was told to connect. How could it possibly connect if it had not been disconnected?

The guru doesn't want to hear my logic. It doesn't compute on his side of the brain.

"Does it work?"

"It works just great as long as I go to that little gas pump icon on the right corner and order a DISCONNECT'. Then all the little red lights go out, and only the little red light below the CS letters are on."

"Never mind as long as it works that's all that matters."

I am grateful for my guru. During that process of correcting a confused modem we also agreed to take out programs I was no longer using. My guru loves to uninstall. He believes in keeping the machine clutter free. I only wished I would have had the camera ready when he checked the directory and came across that seemingly endless list of graphics that the computer had squirreled away in space provided by Photosuite II. I believe it was something in the neighborhood of 3 gigabytes. And that brings me back to what started this little item in the first place. KeepItSimpleStupid. We've agreed that two graphics programs are sufficient for my needs. We have also agreed on the possibility of adding more memory. I still don't know what all the colors and lights and numbers and letters are on my machine But then, if I knew everything there wouldn't be any mysteries left in my life and after all, what's life without a few mysteries here and there.