Once upon a time I understood that there were two kinds of people, human person male and human person female. Grandmamma, in her wisdom, pointed out to me that this was actually an incorrect assessment. There were human persons alpha, the dominant persons, the persons who gave the orders, and there were the non-alpha persons, persons who took the orders and carried them out. Grandmamma told me that I was wrong to assume that the alpha person was always male. Aunt Martha, she told me, was an alpha person. Her husband, my Uncle Johann, Grandmamma’s firstborn son, was not the alpha person in that household. He may have acted like the alpha person. He knew how to shout orders and how to get results. But it was usually Aunt Martha’s wishes that were carried out. Grandmamma was an alpha person. She was the grand matriarch of the family. She, too, understood that silent battle that raged in the family. Eventually she was given the place of honor that was due to her status as head of household. She was retired to her special room and Aunt Martha ruled supreme. Aunts and uncles who visited the homestead gave her lots of elbow room, so it was said. War and hard times and Hitler’s Third Reich restored my uncle to the alpha status. Hitler believed and stated that the woman was there to serve and to bear children. Aunt Martha continued as usual. She would bear no children and she would serve only when it pleased her. Uncle Johann valued peace in the family. Of the five sisters that shared the responsibilities for homestead with him, none disputed Aunt Martha’s right to rule the roost.

I think a lot about that alpha identity, especially during the holidays. I have friends whose families suffer from battles that surface when families gather for the holidays. Some of them tell me that they have relatives that haven’t spoken to each other for years. In my profession as a teacher, I had the opportunity to observe the alpha female person at work, doing what the alpha person does, making sure that the alpha order is observed and the deference is given.

In my own little family, two sons, one daughter, two daughters-in-law, and one son-in-law, there are alpha personalities. There may have been sibling rivalries, but there was always love. I wanted my own children to understand that to love one another was more important than that much desired status of being number one. I am proud to say that in times of hardship and despair, this family stands as one. We’ve learned to deal with that alpha thing. We have a lot of fun and we poke a lot of fun at each other. We love and we embrace and we support. And after the celebration is over, we go home with a feeling of having enjoyed each other’s company.

War taught me the unimportance of dislike and disagreeing competition. It is a lesson I hope to practice and to preach and to hand on to generations to come. Nothing on this earth and of this earth is worth missing out on loving each other for even the minutest increment of time.

We had our yearly gathering last Saturday. Since I had been out of commission with a broken leg, the family delegated food and drink. Not everyone was given the opportunity to bring what they wanted to bring. But what they brought was accepted gratefully and the food was delicious. The little pile of gifts we made for Christmas giving was as big as usual, and the gag gifts brought peals of laughter. I learned to eat off paper plates instead of my beloved Blue Willow china. After the last farewell, after the last car left the driveway and I stood there by myself, it suddenly dawned on me how fortunate I was, how fortunate this family is. We accept each other as we are and we are so grateful for the amount of time that is given to us for being with each other. It was once again a wonderful Christmas.